non essential: celebrity candles and underwear

Ol' Skrawberry: What's a candle party?

Sprankles: a party. with candles.
Sprankles: women sit around. light candles. the candles are all from some specific place.
Sprankles: they are better than all the other candles ever made apparently.
Sprankles: you learn to properly light a candle.
Sprankles: how to properly extinguish.
Sprankles: how long to light the candle for.
Sprankles: you smell candles.
Sprankles: you play games to win small candles as gifts.
Sprankles: then, you look at candles all set up around the room.
Sprankles: you view a candle catalog.
Sprankles: you order candles.
Sprankles: your host then makes money off your orders to order herself more candles on top of the candles she purchases.
Sprankles: its a mother fucking vagina EVENT
Sprankles: i go for the liquor.
Sprankles: well.
Sprankles: i went for the liquor.
Sprankles: to pass the time in alaska drinking in my own house, i went to the occasional candle party to pass the time drinking in someone elses house.
Sprankles: but, this was the requirement. candles.
Sprankles: i sniffed them. i looked. i ordered.
Sprankles: but mostly, i drank.
Sprankles: i just thought, that somehow i had entered and left that level of purgatory.
Sprankles: apparently, no.
Sprankles: i have been recently invited to a candle party.
Sprankles: i fear the guilt of not answering the invite, its a peer pressure thing among vaginas and they are fucking MEAN about that shit.
Sprankles: "well, I went to your ________ party last month, hmph."
Sprankles: _________ = Tupperware (yes, they still have those), or jewelry, or cooking utensil/dishes, or knick knack paddy wack party
Sprankles: for me the __________
Sprankles: is a wig party, or a spy party, or a wear a red shirt party
Sprankles: apparently this counts in the guilting portion of the program though.
Sprankles: i find it is a reason for a gaggle of women to flock together briefly and quack loudly
Sprankles: and drink liquor, as their continued existence was not a good enough reason
Sprankles: i just don't want to go and sniff fucking candles. i have sinus issues.
Sprankles: i always want to sneeze and the wine, is usually fucking white.
Sprankles: its like some new wave of vaginas has discovered you can get free things from hosting these parties
Sprankles: when they could go to the store and buy 5 times the amount of candles
Sprankles: but those are not X candles
Sprankles: which are the best candles
Sprankles: known by all women as the best candles
Sprankles: last month, during a haze of wine
Sprankles: i agreed to go to a jewelry party.
Sprankles: it was bad.
Sprankles: really, fucking bad.

Ol'Skrawberry: ...another pleasant valley sunday.... here in status candle land...

Sprankles: i think, i think i am being tortured.
Sprankles: my next door neighbor in alaska
Sprankles: her entire house was filled with shit she bought at parties like these
Sprankles: and she had fucking crazy candles, i have never seen so many fucking candles
Sprankles: and gold
Sprankles: there was a lot of gold shit in her house, embellished
Sprankles: it looked like her house should have been a castle or museum, but it was a house

Ol'Skrawberry: get you some of that shit.

Sprankles: her name was chi chi

Ol'Skrawberry: fill the place with that stuff.

Sprankles: she was a big black woman, with awesomely long straight relaxed hair, and i used to go over to her house in the morning to see what new shit she had not bought and drink my coffee and watch her iron her husbands underwear and her kids sheets.
Sprankles: i do not understand why underwear required ironing.
Sprankles: in any scenario
Sprankles: for years i tried to come up with a scenario where underwear required ironing
Sprankles: never.
Sprankles: and he had tons.
Sprankles: i have never known someone to have so many pairs of underwear.
Sprankles: what is the purpose of that many pairs of underwear?
Sprankles: even if there is a shortage, you can just not wear underwear.
Sprankles: its a non essential item
Sprankles: in the clothing arsenal.

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