6.15.2010

Wolf in Sheep's Clothing: Just one of the many lies you accept every day.

Wolves have paws. There's some stellar pre-coffee observation for ya. So I am thinking, with claws, you can manipulate material enough to sew.

oh. right.
Back up.

The wolf would have to order these items to make sheep's clothing from the internet; I assume eBay but this may just be my personal preference. The point is, he could not just walk into a JoAnn fabric store to buy material and needles and such.
Just. Not. Happening.

oh right.
Things we must assume about this wolf FIRST:
1. Is highly intelligent. IQ way above that Corky dude. Assume he can cook an egg if he wanted. Also, probably well read.
2. Has computer (probably a MAC as wolves are notorious porn viewers) and broadband internet connection. Does anyone even use dial up anymore? Not wolves, bitches.
3. Has a sewing machine. Can sew.

So, the material arrives in the mail. He makes the suit. Claws here can certainly replace fingers. I am guessing the zipper would have to be on the underside. If you put it along the back we would have to assume the wolf was acting in part to get into this sheep suit, because some other wolf would have to zip it up for him. I think wolves are loners. Smart wolves are at least.
Then our wolf finds a group of sheep. He would need to do his reconnaissance at night because in the daytime, the sheep are being wrangled and such by herder types with dogs. So he watches and learns the sheep herds specific habits.

If he chooses to join the sheep at night when they are in their pen (or in some kinda farm type building), he is going to have to know some shit about breaking and entering. Lock picking, motion sensor evasion. And this is not really a lot for the wolf but it is a lot for a wolf to do in a sheep suit. Therefore, we must assume here, that he infiltrates the sheep herd at some point in the day. Also, there is a hazard for him joining the sheep in the evening in an enclosed area, later about that.
Ok.
So, he finds a group of sheep, what characteristics must this group have in order to attract said wolf.

1. Herd must be large.
2. Herd must graze in a location near cover (forest, over a hill, far far away) where the wolf can initially keep hidden.
3. Sheep herder must be some what dim so that the addition of one more sheep suddenly would pretty much go unnoticed.

Now, the wolf infiltrates the group of sheep. This requires him acting like the sheep at least for the amount of time it takes to get close to the middle of the herd. Probably got one of those Sheep on Tape from Rosetta Stone. Teach you conversational sheep in 48 hours.

WHY THIS WILL NEVER WORK.
In the time it takes to get out of the clothing, the wolf would be noticed and shot dead.
If the wolf were able to get out of the clothing in time, and then kill a sheep, he would then have to leave the scene of the crime, or go noticed and be shot dead.
If he were able to leave the scene fast enough, the meat would rot before he would be able to return and drag it home.
If he were able to come back for it after nightfall and it had been freezing cold enough for the meat not to spoil, he would definitely need help in dragging it home, this is at least a 3 wolf operation.
If he were to wait to come out of the sheep clothing at night, he would be stampeded by crazed sheep inside an enclosed area because one against 100+, even with fangs and claws, ain't workin' out baybee.

But we are jumping to conclusions here.
Why do we think the wolf is out to do harm? Do men who dress in drag do so in order to manipulate women, steal their identities and then murder other women?
Thats fucking crazy talk.

Maybe the wolf is just tired of living his life on the run. Maybe he likes the idea of a family. Maybe he wants to belong to something bigger than himself. Maybe he just likes the idea of fucking peaceful contemplation and munching on some goddamn grass all day! I DON'T KNOW ABOUT ALL THAT BUT I DO KNOW I AM NOT BUYING THIS WOLF IN SHEEPS CLOTHING BULLSHIT ANYMORE!
Just not logical.

OOoooooooo.
Coffee's done.

No comments:

Post a Comment