I like having sponsors.

Life is just one very long uncomfortable moment for me. I will never feel relaxed. Ever. Oh, maybe I'll take a bubble bath - yeah right. Paranoia about breaking my teeth on the tub drain thingy. I'd like to eat some asparagus - yeah right. Spinach made people die once, it's only a matter of time before all the vegetables stop caring about their health and contract communicable diseases; in fact, down a back alley last week, I saw some busty bunch of celery giving a blow job sans condom - GASP! Maybe the day I set sail on the high seas, after maneuvering out of the dock, of course... up until then it will be "Panic Panic Will Robinson" hoping not to crash into any other boats. See? I can’t even run away from the world properly. Fuck.
I am going to be so a-scared of Pirates, mate. Hold me.

I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad (the dreams in which I'm dying, are the best I've ever had) that I have become the Coordinator, again. The Go-Between. The Bridge. The Missing Link (step back).
Last week I took on additional roles where I work. Additional roles sorta in the sense, if you were a duck, hanging out in your duck workplace, doing duck things like "quacking" and "waddling" and all the sudden you also had to solve algebraic equations. You know.
The job is familiar enough to me. Once upon a time I was Goldilocks, the three bears, AND the porridge.
I can totally do this (I can do all things through vodka, which strengthens me).

Dunno really. Today, I am just fried. Or sautéed. Or popped.
Yes, I am popped.

This Blog post is brought to you by The Corn Council of Amerika.

Corn, is lovely, corn, is great. Corn goes well in any dish; an easy addition to make your next meal an instant party in your mouth. Corn kernels look neat-o and the yellow fiesta flair will make you want to dance the Salsa at dinnertime with your cat. If there were a war, corn would sign up for the draft, bomb the fuck out of strategic targets, and save your ass when the shit hits the fan. Corn has a damn good chance of winning the Nobel Peace Prize this year. A little known fact: Corn invented the internet. Why, if it weren’t for Corn, locomotives wouldn’t chugchugchug on their tracks, The Black Plague would still be runnin' rampant and no one, I say, NO ONE would have ever been able to find Carmen Sandiego or Waldo.

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