Key lime pie is the greatest pie on the planet. Whenever I think that life is just too much to handle, I call out to the Key Lime Pie… and it answers. It doesn’t screen my calls. It doesn’t tell me that my choice in pants is on the fruity side. It listens to my grievances and even buys me a pack of cigarettes, so we can get it all out together. Key Lime Pie drives the car and lets me ride shotgun. If I ever had a dead hooker in my trunk (one never knows with these sorts of thing), Key Lime Pie would help dig the hole. Thanks Key Lime Pie, for always getting my back.
It hereby decree by the Retard Power vested in me that it shall be crowned:
The King of Pies.
ALL HAIL THE PIE!
MIGHTY AND ABLE TO FILL ITS PIE DUTY!
KEY LIME PIE FOREVER!
(Pie bravado sold separately)