I leaned over my computer this morning and tiny sticks fell out of my hair, which makes me wonder what I was up to last night. Werewolf shenanigans I have no time for right now. There are must complete items on my procrastination list that I am working on putting off as we speak. A spirit of lazy so ingrained in my being it will take an exorcist to remove (round two). I am that into doing nothing, won't even bother to move my eyes in either direction or swallow the spit working its way down my chin when staring at walls.
Committed. I am committed to the uncommitted, 50% of the time, or with just argument, 52% of the time. Or maybe the paperwork was using the word in another context. Doesn't matter. Either way, the possibility of coloring books is HIGH.
Coloring books are one of the reasons everyone should have a 5 year old best friend. Also, legos. Legos never go out of style no matter how old you get. They need to put those things in nursing homes, up the happiness factor for those rotting, miserable as hell folks. No one really likes bingo damn it, I am not sure why this is the standard activity for the old. When I was visiting my grandmother, they gave out cookies for winning and it made me think of trying to organize a small and very slow prison break just to increase the blood pressure of some given up on life 'we are so bored please just kill us' folk. None of them wanted cookies. What about some Jack Daniels. Lap dance Fridays, late night porn hour on the community television (with popcorn and kleenex provided), weed, maybe some beer bong challenges, fuck it, hand out heroin. Its the end, shouldn't you be allowed everything you want?
I totally plan on becoming a heroin addict at around 70. Who cares. Give me.
So junkies, you cannot buy a pack of legos without selling an ovary (do people buy those things, I am speculating here) for the starter pack, plain blocks, no decoration, no flower pots or people. When did plastic blocks become too damn expensive? Most everything is build a space ship, pirate ship or methadone clinic complete with EXACT directions. Are the children unable to be creative anymore? What happened to jacked up looking houses, holes for windows (had to figure that shit out, didn't you) with tiny cars that looked like wagons? Lego sets can't already be vintage items, this idea is foul and I won't stand for it.
List of items needed STAT:
1. Blocks only lego set.
2. Fresh from the press, plastic dinosaurs with no moveable anything.
3. Silly Putty.
4. Werewolf coloring book with the large set of Crayola crayons, the one with macaroni and cheese orange in there, you know what I mean.
5. Heroin (you see what I did there).
6. Fingerpaint (the kind that stains everything) with some of that shiny, slippery paper.
7. Spaghetti O's, apple juice and some pretzels.
Get your asses over here.
We have priority work to get done.