1. Never pass up the opportunity to drop kick someone from an elevated position. Waist high is good enough.
2. Always wear shoes you can fight in or defend yourself with when going out at night. Bitch slapping someone with a flip flop does very little to discourage anal rape.
3. Assume all people you know are potential serial killers. Act accordingly. Everyone has the potential to become a sociopath. You may realize too late. Avoid the axe.
4. Escalators are dangerous. Don't fucking play. Get on in an orderly manner, maintain position, step widely as you exit.
5. Mind the bus.
6. Shenanigans end up in eye loss 89% of the time. Your mom was right. Call her. Apologize.
7. Never, ever, whatever you do, in the heat of the moment decide it is a good idea to cut up your only ATM card into a thousand tiny pieces.
8. The whole "Eat More Fiber" "You Need More Fiber in Your Diet" "Fiber is Fucking Awesome" marketing ploys (the last being a very brief ad campaign in which the people responsible were immediately sacked), come off very lie-y, if you know what I mean.
9. You will never know what I mean, not really and this is probably best.