Seventeen things I could do with chopsticks, if I had some chopsticks.

1. Put my hair up.
2. Eat some food.
3. Defend myself from rapists and murderers.
4. Play a reasonably volumed drum solo in the library.
5. Start a tiny fire.
6. Construct a sling shot in order to slay giants.
7. Teach monkeys 2-6, write a paper, become published in a Scientific Journal.
8. Set the tip on fire, blow it out, use the char to write a letter to my Congressman.
9. Poke you. (Not hard; for giggles).
10. Fly some tiny pirate flag on some tiny pirate ship.
11. Very short game of pick up sticks.
12. Push elevator buttons, ring doorbells, and operate ATMS all the while ensuring I do not catch diseases from contact with surfaces other herpetitus-canceraidacious-hepalupus-streplacockus infected individuals touch.
13. Write messages in the sand.
14. Scratch an itch (just not your itch, sorry).
15. Pop some bitches bike tire.
16. Pop some punks balloon.
17. Pop some other shit that needs popping, including "Popping Off", just with more flair (WHOOOOOO!!).

Give it up for Sexual Chocolate, ladies and gentlemen, Sexual Chocolate.