Dear Local VW Sales Department

Thank you very much for email blasting me useless offers for brand new cars at enormously discounted rates. Actually, there is not a day that goes by that I do not pray for a lightning strike, a flood, a meteor from the sky to wipe my VW Bug off the planet. I hate it more than roaches, Satan, alligators, sharks, cancer, AIDS, tacks and my elementary school bully all rolled into one. Yup. I have never hated anything more.
So no. No I would not like to take advantage of the fabulous limited time offers counteracted by your inflated prices for sub par plastic cars that fall apart at the seams before they accumulate 60,000 miles.
I hope to buy a bike and start riding that to work because to watch this vehicle disintegrate (which I can only assume will happen considering its rate of deterioration thus far) in my driveway, without another single mile being put on it, THAT, sir, would please me more than the newest new car you could ever hope to sell me.

Best Regards,
The Wood Rabbit

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