Seeking Full Time Employment, Greater Orlando Area
Salary: starting $50,000.00 a year + benefits (i.e. Medical, Dental, 401K, popsicles, slurpees, sushi)
Job Title: Director of Distraction
Duties:
While you attempt daily normal work place routine (meetings, phone calls, appointments), I shall provide endless reasons and opportunities to not work.
Hours available:
Monday through Friday. 9am - 5pm.
Qualifications:
Varied interests include Astrophysics - cooking Zeppoles. Addiction to Non-fiction provides endless amount of new exploration possibilities.
Bi Polar Disorder makes for an ever changing, unreliable environment where one might be crawling through windows impersonating cat burglars or hiding in a darkened room watching black and white movies.
Animal imitation skills, perfected. To include dinosaurs and aquatic mammals.
Pathological. Excessive. Insubordinate.
Knows more than 20 secret hand shakes (some to include rhymes, songs and games).
Ability to procure wide variety of free music and porn online without risking network to computer viruses.
History of risk taking and bad judgement ensure you could pretty much talk me into doing just about anything that did not involve a large dildo (unless inside a House of Worship).
Total lack of respect for authority or rules.
Can write a Haiku in 10 minutes or less.
Puzzles and riddles galore.
Storyteller, manipulator, very good liar, and innocent smile equal = Infinite get out of jail free cards.
Infectious laugh.
References:
Available Upon Request.
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