you can eat babies if you want to, but i prefer take-out kabobs

I am sympathetic today. After trying to eat the breakfast of yogurt in a tube, I am sympathetic today for all those human beings who are starving right now because I threw that nasty tube yogurt in the trash and now too, I am starving. Gross. I do not get the appeal of squirting yogurt in your mouth, kids are disgusting creatures.

One (me) may like to imagine what something would look spitfire roasted, that is not usually spitfire roasted. This morning it is a walrus which might be way too heavy for a stick (gonna need a steel rod) but would look pretty cool I think, being cranked over an open flame because walruses are cylindrical for the most part. Its the aesthetic, my loves. And a keen sense of flame handling.

Today I am to have a liquid lunch. Crab and corn chowder.
It qualifies.

And now we have the category for Best Sandwich.
(Round of applause then the crowd hushes as the nominations are read)
And the nominations go to:
Banana and Peanut Butter Sandwich!
Hot Cuban Sandwich!
Tuna Fish Sandwich!
Pixie Stick, Capt'n Crunch and Mayonnaise Sandwich!
(applause as everyone is looking around at each other wondering who that sandwich had to fuck to get nominated through beauty pageant smiles, while the sandwich sheds tiny little tears acting surprised to have even been nominated, the taste of semen hauntingly still present)
And the Best Sandwich Award goes to... the Tuna Fish Sandwich!!
(Crowd goes totally bonkers)
(Tuna Fish sandwich walks awkwardly to the stage to accept the award)
I would like to thank, God, for which all things are possible...

[Note: and NOT possible, let's not forget the opposite of what's possible, for if one can make things happen one can also NOT make things happen, it renders as a choice, which means God chooses, like, to grace someone with the winning touchdown, or the Best Sandwich Award, or to starve to death in a third world country even though there is enough food to feed approximately 9 billion people on a 6 billion people planet, but you go on thanking whoever you seem to think helps you make it through the day, if that's what you need, but spare the rest of us the illogical manifestation of your insecurities and irrational objectification of mystical beings who hold puppet strings, who honestly if DID, wouldn't give a fuck about the spec of dust called the Milky Way, much less you, in the vast expanse of the whole of the Universe. For myself, I am doing just fine with a little help from my friends. And the occasional Tuna Fish sandwich.]

...and also, every one who ever ate me.
(nodding and tears are shared throughout the touched audience)
(Tuna Fish sandwich exits the stage)



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