She cared for you better than any dog could have ever hoped for. When you needed a new sweater, you got it. When you needed new toys, you got it. When you needed the best food money could buy, you got it. When you needed surgery to remove cysts, you got it. When you needed teeth pulled and new doggie dentures, you got it. When you needed doggie psychiatric counseling and depression medication, you got it. And when you needed doggie deep tissue massages, mani/pedi and facials, guess what, you got that too.
When you peed on something, she replaced it. When you yacked on something, she replaced it. When you tore shit up, she sure as fuck, replaced it all just to watch you do it again.
You got everything you ever wanted and even some shit, you didn't want, but you got it anyway, just because, you were the beloved Koty, worlds most expensive fucking dog ever.
Your vet bills alone, totaled around $10,000, I imagine, when all was said and done. I have no clue as to the amount she paid in replacement items and specialty gifts, but I bet it was a lot. There was always something new you needed to have; there was always something wrong with you and she always fixed it.
That's a lot of fucking bones, Koty. You knew it. With your smug little face, you knew it.
If you had ever walked about the house shitting everywhere, oozing puss from sores unknown, slobbering rabies infecting the children, coughing up blood, harassing her husband for no reason, she would have fixed you right up after euthanizing the kids, getting a divorce, burning the toxic house and buying a new one, no matter what the cost.
That's how much, she loved you Koty. Worlds most expensive fucking dog ever.
You watched 14 other dogs and 8 other cats get bought and given away. They didn't even get unique names, Koty. Just, numbers. Because, who fucking cared. They weren't beloved Koty. Cat #4 was a good enough name for an animal that wouldn't be around for long.
The golden dog.
The dog of the hour.
The dog of the fucking century.
She loved you, dear Koty.
She even paid to have you cremated and your remains now sit on the mantle. And even though you hated my guts, Koty, more than any other animal I have ever met on this planet, I am going to suggest she create a shrine to your golden doggie ass. Because, even in death beloved Koty, why should you not remain the worlds most expensive fucking dog ever. It is your title. It is your honor. It is who you were, are and will forever be.
RIP, Koty, Worlds Most Expensive Fucking Dog Ever.
You, were loved.