Bunny at the Consulting Firm: An Extremely Short Play

Scene 1: Mr. Boss's Office
[Setting: Large office. Mr. Boss seated at an enormous desk, huge leather chair. Bunny is standing across from him. He has a printed Powerpoint presentation going through revisions of the individual slides with Bunny.]

Mr. Boss: So take this slide and put it behind this one and then take the presentation from last year, that company who had the red logo with the P in it, and place their financials in front of this slide, but recalculate all the numbers using the factor 500…
Bunny: I don’t know how to calculate financials; I do all your graphics work Mr. Boss.
Mr. Boss: [Cuts Bunny off] And then replace the word Proposal with Forecasted Increase – what do you think, does that sound too salesy?
Bunny: No.
Mr. Boss: Better yet, let’s use ROI. Is that too initially?
Bunny: No.
Mr. Boss: Never mind, keep it as Proposal. OK, then I want you to change this [Mr. Boss writes two illegible words, scratches them out, rewrites three words, scratches those out, then writes a five word phrase ending with a stab from his pen on the paper] and put it on this line [points to a place right next to a financial figure].
Bunny: Wait. What does that say? [Bunny gets pen ready to rewrite doctor-esque handwriting]
Mr. Boss: Yes, put it right there. [points again to place next to financial numbers]
Bunny: Yes, but WHAT does it say?
Mr. Boss: [Says phrase so fast it comes out like German] And put it right there. [points again]
Bunny: Does it correspond with this number? [points to number next to place he is pointing]
Mr. Boss: It goes right there [points again].
Bunny: Is the number a reflection of this? [points to chicken scratch five word phrase again]
Mr. Boss: It goes right here. [points again]
Bunny: Yes. Ok, that it?
Mr. Boss: Can you make it a little sexier?
Bunny: Sexier, sir?
Mr. Boss: It should pop.
Bunny: Yes, pop, sexier.
Mr. Boss: Also, I need this before lunch. [Current EST time is 11:57am] Five copies, spiral bound with a nice cover.
Bunny: No problem, what time are you going to lunch?
Mr. Boss: Noon, but I will wait until you are done. I have a meeting at 12:30 with this Client, keep that in mind. This is big! BIG!
Bunny: Gooooootcha.

[Bunny walks to the door and as Mr. Boss picks up the phone she breaks into a run. Lights dim.]

Scene 2: Bunny’s Office
[Setting: Bunny sitting at desk, piles of papers scattered everywhere. Phone is ringing, co-worker is seated in chair in front of her desk, printer is printing].

[Lights brighten. Bunny is rolling a 20 sided die on the desk.]

Bunny: 12! [Types in new financial figure number, that may or may not correspond with illegible corporate verbatim]
Co-worker: …so then he says, “Are you going to eat that piece of chicken?”…
Bunny: [Removes handful of toothpicks from desk and tosses them on the floor] 1…2…3… 27! 27 Toothpicks are touching each other! [Looks down at hands to see how many fingers have rings on them today, multiplies by 27 and then switches the first and last numbers, adds 3 and puts figure in last financial calculation box. Next to it she types 500.]
Co-worker: …and holy shit, I just couldn’t believe she fit her head IN there…
[Speaking through phone intercom] Receptionist: Bunny, I have Mr. Regional Director on line 4.
Bunny: Can you tell him I died and take a message, please.
[Sales Department VP walks into the room]
VP: You busy?
Bunny: You high?
VP: I have this photograph that my mother in law took while we were camping this weekend, I was wondering if you could scan it in, crop out the deer and my brother, add a sunset, and make me look 50 lbs lighter?
Bunny: Leave the photo and get the fuck out of my office before I stab you in the eye with my red pen. I will email you the file when I am done.
[VP walks out and Mr. Boss pokes his head in the door]
Mr. Boss: How’s it coming?
[Bunny looks at clock, it’s five after noon]
Bunny: Almost finished, sir, 20 more seconds! [Flips through presentation to make sure design is clean and presentable.]
Mr. Boss: Good job, Bunny, I'll meet you up front.
[Mr. Boss walks down the hall]
Co-worker: Do you think that zombies exist?
Bunny: Did you really just ask me that?
Co-worker: I was trying to see if you were paying attention.
Bunny: I am, yet I am not. Stew on that.
[Bunny grabs bound presentations and runs to meet Mr. Boss at the receptionist desk.]
[Out of Breath] Bunny: Where did Mr. Boss go?
Receptionist: Oh, he just left.
[Bunny yanks receptionist’s phone from her hands and dials Mr. Boss’s cell phone.]
[Speaking into phone] Bunny: I have your presentation, sir.
Mr. Boss: Oh, good job, I can email him that tonight though, don’t worry about rushing, just lay it on my desk. Oh and by the way, can you change Proposal to read Forecasted Increase Guidelines, and set the background to something greenish instead of that blue, with photos but not too many at the bottom, I think green in the new brown, it is really hot right now and I think it speaks to our revenue generating abilities better. Email me everything. THANKS!
[Mr. Boss hangs up. Line goes dead.]


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