Irrational Fear 37 (I hate starting at 1 because it feels like I HAVE to give you a 2. This way - I am obligated to nothing but the number 37 and won’t sweat leaping out of bed at 3am so there is no retarded small talk in the morning): Cracking my front teeth, specifically, when I am showering and slip. More specifically, on that tiny little drain thing in the bathtub you switch up in order to close off the drain and take a bath. Every time I get into a shower with this feature, I growl in its direction and we make a silent pact. I will not destroy you bathtub (because you cannot run away from me, oh inanimate object) if you promise not to crack my teeth while we share this space. Tiny understandings make my world go round you see.
Irrational Fear 45 (by skipping around the numerical scale, I am still released from the obligation of sharing those numbers before or after 45 or from 37 to 45, but since I have now posted two separate fears, logic and rational dictates I must at least post a third, because it is my rule. Don’t make me break it across your ass for fun): I will one day run over a small child with my car because they have appeared out of nowhere and I do not have time to brake. By appear out of nowhere, I do not imply I do not see them prior, as in, “Johnny was a fucktard, ran into the street and then I hit him”. NO. This is not my fear because I am an insanely aware driver at all times. Clarification: Ever seen a magic show and the guy in the black hat says “AlakaBAM!” and then Poof, a white bunny appears? Yeah, just like that is what I fear. Some random kid is magic-ed right in front of my bumper and two hours later I am bumming cigarettes off some butch chick in jail thinking, “At least I am still going to get laid, this ain’t so bad.”
Irrational Fear 6 (One could have assumed, since 45 is a larger number that 37, I would have kept with the scale and moved up again. Wrong. Since this is the third fear I am sharing, I must move down so that it 1. Completes the trinity 2. Jerks said assumer back to reality visually, thus bringing closure to this experiment in nothingness… moving RIGHT along…): Patterns of Dots. I am not explaining this to anyone because it requires its own dissertation and, after that point, I just may get locked up in a padded room and white hurts my eyes after awhile as I am a nocturnal creature. Let it be said, I just do not like them, go away dots.