Problems? I find solutions. It's my job. It's what I do.

Answering phones at any business these days is kind of like being an exclusive club's doorman. You are hip tossing more douches to the curb than you are letting through the door. So many people vying for the chance to sell you something, requote something, get you a better deal, offer you a special promotion, anything and everything to get their foot in the door so that they can get the money that you are spending.

It is a skill. There are some people very well talented, very well versed, and very cunning in their approach and methods. That is also why it is a business. They hold seminars, give classes, write books, there are companies set up to teach others how to do only this. I have read more sales books on the matter than I care to discuss but it my experience as a bartender that provided me with the unique filtering ability needed to recognize phone sales people posing as current vendors, clients, old classmates, and even, the occasional friend (if one day someone were to call here professing to be the owners grandparent, I swear to all that is holy this would not surprise me at all). Bartenders have bullshit radar like superheroes on spinachB12crackmeth. You get something by them and you can probably bust into Fort Knox.

98% of these daily calls never reach my ears because Heather, our angelic office presence of love and light, who represents all the gloriousness behind this company by being the first face the first voice the first person to warmly cuddle you into the fold as a client, blocks the majority of the "bad guys" like a championship fighter with 2 million wins under her belt. Today however, the other slippery 2% slimmed their way to me and after it all, I was left staring at a very large camel lying on the ground moaning in pain and I had to help that camel, I did, I swear it to you now, I had to HELP. THAT. CAMEL. I had to slip into my Cape of Creativity and save our office from the evils of Solicitor X because GOD DAMN IT TO ALL HELL, I am tired of hearing about how much fucking money I can save on my car insurance.

Things that do not work: Logic. Reason. You cannot simply say, I do not want your product. They call, they call again, they keep calling, they keep calling, oh wait, there is a call on the other line, and its them again surprise. They can tie you up evading questions like: What is the purpose of your call? Who are you trying to get ahold of? What is this regarding? Can I help you with something? One guy calls on Monday, a girl on Tuesday, on Wednesday its an automated service (Thursday they give it a rest) and for Funtastical FTW Friday they bust out the overseas call with special special deals designed to knock your socks, shoes, bra and panties off!

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
The consulting company I used to work for spoke this as a MANTRA (stfu consulting brain damage, please get out of my head, its been years, go the fuck away, please, omg I seriously hate yoooooooooou) and now regurgitated here, I feel a little unclean and kinda douche-y. Just kidding. Not really. Sorry. Rewind.
So far we have employed wrestling and boxing as tactics. No more. Now, we dance. This afternoon, around 2:25pm, I created a fictitious Purchasing and Human Resource Manager who goes by the name of Britnee Schultz (BS, if you want to get right down to it). She is now in charge of reviewing all proposals prior to any decision making for the company in terms of copy paper, printer ink, office supplies, new medical or dental insurance, software purchases, dog fighting, gun control and imported Chinese heroin. EVERYTHING. SHE IS CURRENTLY REVIEWING IT ALL. We set her up an email account and are now going to put everyone is contact with HER, because its her fucking job now, not ours.
"Oh yes, Office Supplies, you need to speak to Britnee." "New printer catalog you say, the person to speak with would be Britnee, let me give you her contact information." "Oh, you don't say, fantastic rates for dental insurance, amen, we were just reviewing that, in fact, Britnee is your go to girl."

Did you hear that?
That's my horn, bitches.

Game on.

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