Me: So, how was your visit sweet pea, what did you guys do?
Kid A and Kid B: (laughter)
Kid B: We hung out, sort of, waiting to come home.
Me: Did you get to see your dad?
Kid A: Yea. And Mrs. [stepmom]. (laughter)
Kid B: Every day she would come in and ask me if she could have her ipod charger back. I told her it was mine and hers was in the kitchen. Every day, same thing. I considered switching it with my jacked up one before I left but thought that might be too much.
Kid A: (sing songy) Too muuuuuuuch!
Kid B: She wouldn't have noticed. It all started when she tried to take my cell phone. I wasn't even texting a bunch, just to you.
Me: Is that why you suddenly said you had to go that one night?
Kid B: Yes. She said, "If you don't stop texting I will take your phone away." I said, "No you won't. This is my phone, my mother pays the bill. You aren't going to touch it." I kind of decided then, this was going to have to be a game.
Kid A: (laughter) A GAME!!
Kid B: She told me I couldn't take more than one shower a day and no longer than 15 minutes long.
Kid A: (sing songy) So what did you doooooo?!
Kid B: I told her I was going to go take a shower and I walked off. She has a bad memory, it was my second shower of the day.
Me: Did you need another shower?
Kid B: No. But she told me I couldn't.
Kid A: (sing songy) Tell her how many showers you took a daaaaay!
Kid B: As many as I could. One day I took five. (laughter) I just kept saying "I didn't take a shower today" and she believed me.
Me: Oh my god.
Kid B: I went to the refrigerator once and got a piece of lettuce for a snack.
Kid A: (sing songy) One pieeeeece!
Kid B: A little while later, I got another piece. She said, "What are you eating, that's OUR lettuce." I said, "Yes. It IS OUR lettuce." [hand movement indicating her and her sister] Then before I left, I put a bunch of juice boxes in my bag.
Kid A: (laughter)
Me: What for?
Kid B: Because I wanted to take the juice boxes! I would also open juice boxes and not drink them on purpose. They have no more juice now. She has to buy more.
Kid A: (sing songy) There's no more juuuuuice!
Kid B: I cursed too.
Me: YOU CURSED!?!
Kid B: Near the end, it was a lot.
Kid A: (Sing songy) We should beeeeeeat her!
Kid B: I was the queen.
Me: (shaking head) What have I done.
Kid A: (laughter) Created creative thinkers! Hooooorrrrraaaay!
Kid B: If they expected rudeness would fly, especially after a year of not seeing us (long pause) no. All she had to be was nice. She made her choice. I made mine.