I did it. I ate a KFC Double Down yesterday. First of all, it is not as scary as it is on TV - THAT one had me visualizing the sandwich attacking and eating my face off when on the approach for a bite. Fears laid to rest, it did not, and yes, I allow for the possibility, its a physics world, folks, and on some plane, the sky is totally not blue. It is actually smaller than a Big Mac or Whopper, the sauce was not appetizing and it seriously needed some lettuce, not that I would have swooned, I'm just sayin'. The worst part was ordering it. I felt like I was in a massage parlor trying to get a happy ending. Wait. No. Hm. Nevermind. I just felt dirty. And I wanted to suddenly buy a gun, which might not have been a side effect from the food. I have had a compulsion to purchase firearms lately, mostly because I want to dance around with the guns in my hands to the song Bankrobber by The Clash, but also because I would like to shoot a cow. No one shoots cows, always things that run away fast, like deer. I think this is stupid, cows seem like the easiest thing to hunt.I am not even sure why I did it, except for I have this compulsion sometimes, to ingest really disgusting things.
“Hello, this is Papa Johns Pizza”
“Yes, I would like to place an order for delivery.”
“What would you like this afternoon?”
“Right. Ok, I need a large pizza with everything on it. You know how you have a pizza with ‘the works’, well, I want THAT pizza, then I want you to add every one of your other toppings to it.”
“We have over 20 toppings, ma’am. The problem is, if we add them all, the pizza would not cook all the way through.”
“Right. Ok, so what do you suggest?”
“Maybe we could cook it longer?”
“Excellent! Ok, so add everything right, all the toppings you offer, put that all over the pizza and bake it up, I am putting the cooking judgment in your hands. I am sure you know how to do this better than I.”
“Would you like the anchovies on the side?”
“On the side? Oh, hell no.”
I am a disgusting, disgusting member of society.
On my phone's keyboard, the I is located next to the O, so every time I type the word FOR, it comes up FIR but I never notice until after I hit send. It is embarrassing, because when I read it out loud it sounds country and I can't stand sounding country. I would rather bark everything I say, than have a country accent.
Bark bark bark bark, bark bark bark. Bark! Bark, bark bark bark; bark bark bark bark. Bark bark bark bark bark? "BARK BARK!", bark bark.
2010 Best Nickname for a Male: Truck Nuts
2010 Best Nickname for a Female: Sticky Tits