Taking kids to school is annoying. It is far too much to accomplish with a smile on your face before 10am. But I do. Mostly because I am perfect. Mostly.
The byproducts school has a rear car lane drop off entrance that everyone must follow (stupid yellow brick road), that leads through a meadow, over a hill and far far away and THATS where you let your chubby faced, rolly polly, shit machines off in the morning (thank you, Deb). But before you get to the entrance, right in the front of the goddamn school is a four way stop, complete with stop signs and a crossing guard. You don't have to work too hard this morning seeing where I am going with this one. Some parents urge their kids to get out of the car at the stop sign, so they do not have to travel to Morocco by way of Iceland just to deliver children into the hands of publicly funded education, that, if it were up to Texas, would teach that Evolution is a "Theory" and our founding fathers were all Christian Bible Thumping Sky God lovers.
Fuck you, Texas, we are not all suffering from heat stroke, do your research, listen to an actual History professor.
So yea, some parents urge. Do I urge? No.
As I imagine no other parent has to do, every morning, I used to argue (ARGUE) with my kids to get out of the car. It saves me 20 minutes - 20 MINUTES - in the morning, which means I can spend far more time being awesome and far less time sitting in snotty-nosed, infectious disease traffic.
Arguing like my client was headed for the gas chamber. This - this is my life.
Now see, let's explain: My little babies of love and light, well, they are allowed to argue their point if we happen to disagree on things. I hear their side and do take it into consideration. A lot of times, I completely change my mind as a result of new information these gorgeous bundles of cognition offer up. I can respect a good point of view. Increasingly, I have found that we can come to agreements when we have a difference of opinion, and this works out BEST for me, because as much as I am required to agree to said terms, they are to as well.
And now you may refer to me as Captain Bunny, as I uphold all rules of this ship and make ye walk zee plank otherwise, HAR!
Byproducts believe that they should be let off in the car line. It is weird to hop out at the stop sign and somehow embarrassing because everyone looks. I get it.
I believe byproducts should jump out and save me time. Period. Help a mother out, geez.
Agreement (after much debate): We shall let chance deal with the decision on a daily basis. Any day that we pull within 2-3 cars of the stop sign and the crossing guard blows her whistle, IF any other children directly in front or back of us get out of their cars, mine have to as well. Two fist pumps, self fist bump, a self high-five and cheers - we all celebrate victory in our own way.
Since the agreement was made:
Every day we pull up to the stop sign and I will other children to leap out of their cars.
Every day we pull up to the stop sign and the byproducts will other children to stay the fuck in their vehicles.
We chant at each other, loudly explain prayers to the universe, promise the heavens sacrificial lambs ALL TO GET OUR OWN WAY... and today made 3 days in a row the byproducts have had to leap out of the car at the stop sign and right now I feel like... I feel like God.