2010 Album Picks.

I don't really do music and film reviews. It is entirely subjective; until I make sure your home doesn't have teddy bears on the bed and you don't use a Snuggie to keep warm watching Housewives of New York on Tuesday's, I am sure as shit not going to trust what you tell me is awesome for my ears. Closets, we all have them and some of yours contain my nightmares.
In turn, you can take this or leave it.
Here is what my ears loved in 2010.

10. Arcade Fire - The Suburbs
9. Twin Shadow - Twin Shadow
Sometimes I just do not get around to listening to everything and other times I purposely shun an album for no other reason than to be anti-establishment and how could you tell me what to like you bastardly disguised corporate music blog (who I know for a FACT sucks the Starbucks teet). Ten, I am sorry I excused you before actually listening.
Late to the meeting, walk of shame clothes and smeared mascara, can someone please give me a cup of coffee? Nine, you should have never been a one night stand, I'll drunk dial again, for sure, my nipples are hard, currently, in anticipation.

8. Crystal Castles - Crystal Castles
Ok. Fainting Spells just cold pisses me off but the rest of the album is so damn Chemistry Class weird/cool, I cannot deny it placement on my favorites list for 2010. I didn't start out listening to the album in parts or as a whole, but was exposed rather to a multitude of remixes I found blogged continuously online. After awhile, I figured I needed to check out what every one else seemed to be falling head over heels for. It's geek Electronica. I dig it.

7. Gaslight Anthem - American Slang
6. The Black Keys - Brothers
I daydream about Bluesy rock fucking Punk rock and make me some awesome snarling dark haired babies with whiskey voices who smoke way too much.

5. LCD Soundsystem - This Is Happening
There is that kick your chair out from under you first moment when the beat drops on Dance Yrself Clean (wait for it wait for it, wait for it, BAM), you'll never experience quite the same after the first listen. I've tried, let the dragon go junkie's, and thank the universe the rest holds up thick like a Dairy Queen Blizzard. Drunk Girls swings into an indie pop playground laying down hand-jive knowledge. One Touch's SuperBreakout intro kicks into lyrics you'll soon find stuck in your head. Pow Pow could be the backbeat for a 70s detective show starring Pam Grier (hawt). It's an album you can put in the background at a party, and one you can face alone in front of your dresser mirror, hairbrush mic in hand - so many pieces to experience, so many dance moves to be had.
Fuck off. Why haven't you purchased this album yet? Maybe you are broke. I'll burn you a copy.
(Check out Kid Cudi's All Talk featuring LCD Soundsystem's Dance Yrself Clean. Mmm, mmmm, good.)

4. Girl Talk - All Day
DJ Gregg Gillis's mash up/sample heavy origami-esque albums are happy, dance inducing, full steam ahead Engine, Engine No. 9. playfully rich Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up - scratch. I have had the pleasure of hoarding a few mash up albums since someone turned me onto The Kleptones in 2006, with All Day, Girl Talk self-catapults into a Professor Surgeon Esquire Yoda status. I have yet to hear any artist rival the diverse auditory experience, All Day being the tightest puzzle yet. Shark Mop steamed, this one.
Track No. 11 "Triple Double" sample segment includes:
1:31 - 1:31 Blondie - "Dreaming"
1:31 - 2:42 Joe Jackson - "Steppin' Out"
1:32 - 2:54 Lil Wayne - "A Milli"
2:42 - 2:43 Nirvana - "In Bloom"
2:54 - 3:25 Crooked I - "Everythang"
2:56 - 3:24 Neil Diamond - "Cherry, Cherry"
Are you fucking kidding me? I couldn't pick out half these without the aide of a guide (I did figure out Joe Jackson, that piano is ingrained is my DNA).
Even better is that the album is offered free on Illegal Art. Free is good. Free is very good.
(The full sample list can also be found here)

3. Tame Impala - InnerSpeaker
Slipping right into a warm bath of golden sunshine goo kitten fluff please hand me a lollipop, is Tame Impala, a four-piece psychedelic rock from Perth, Australia. When I first sampled the debut album Innerspeaker, I felt pulled back through time. Kevin Parker's voice on Desire Be, Desire Go could be a roadside zoo jar containing the vocal chords of Grace Slick and John Lennon's bastard child. At no point during the album do I want to open a vein, which so often comes to mind when listening to jam(my) bands that leap off cliffs on the backs of guitar solos. It makes me want to move my feet and quite possibly, spin a little (ok, a lot). Mark my words, there is going to be a child conceived to the track Solitude Is Bliss. It's just. that. gorgeous.
This album, a daisy and a bare foot picnic.

2. The Polyamorous Affair - Strange Bedfellows
The single Bright One, delivered by the Los Angeles duo Eddie Chacon and Sissy Sainte-Marie, should be nominated for synth-pop track of the year somewhere. The album is a sexy, smooth blend of breathy vocals (from both artists), against a group of super groovy beats. There isn't a track I do not like. Strange is the lighter side of catchy (you're so strange, just like me); it's counterpart Fantasy darker and reminiscent of Blondie's Rapture-speak. Hypnotized mixes in some distinct African drumming, The Avenues offers some higher notes dancing on top of repetitive dance beats, each track nectar to my ears.

1. Sleigh Bells - Treats
Music duo Derek E. Miller and Alexis Krauss (who I secretly wished consisted of two females, masturbatory reasons to follow, but will excuse Derek's penis for at least the duration of this post) release debut album Treats. The moment I heard the spacey track Rill Rill I began salivating. When the album finally found its way into my hands the ensuing orgasm knocked out a wall in the house (non load bearing, mind you *wipes brow*).
Seriously. In love. I never expected guitar to be used more like a triangle or cowbell (perfect amount of cowbell) emphasizing and pointing things out more than carrying a melody. Infinity Guitars stands out for its hand clapping and tambourine, which brought me back to Jack and Diane camp fire sing a long nostalgia-land and my overwhelming desire as a youth to sleep with Stevie Nicks and Ian Astbury. Crown of the Ground and Kids made me want to stomp my feet to the force of the beat. And kick through some wood. And get into a fight with my grandmother. (EDIT: Get into a fight with your grandmother, dressed in a leather jacket and fingerless gloves.)
It's sugary sweet, pink bubblegum you are afraid to bite into because you know it's concealing razor blades but fuck if you didn't harvest all that shit on Halloween, so you'll bite around it carefully; if there was a cheer-leading team shouting its cranked out static/reverb heavy anthems, they'd do so in ripped fish nets and combat boots. Braless (for the bounce).
I'd totally do the team, cam whore style.
Your perv grandfather can even watch.