I didn't think it was creepy.

Me: Hi.

Him: Hi.

Him: How did we like school today?

Me: Are we role playing?

Me: uh.

Me: We liked school just fine, daddy.

Me: Can I get some tasty ice cream when I come home?

Him: No fool.

Him: How did the kids do?

Me: oh.

Me: Great, then.

Him: Don't be creepy.

:|

something needs to roll.

Coworker: What do you need me to do?

Worker: feel my pain.

Worker: that's all i need you to do right now.

Worker: hear my tiny tears hit the floor.

Worker: believe that angels are committing suicide in honor of the extreme fuck-up-ed-ness of this entire job, sacrificing their good karma to come raining down upon me like little sparkles.

Worker: i want to believe we can work through this.

Worker: will you hold my hand?

Worker: *sniff*

Worker: tight?

Coworker: Aye.

Worker: you are a true friend.

Worker: now, BRING ME SOME FUCKING HEADS!

tweet tweet tweet

boy: let's tweet. we need a name.
boy: doesnotplaywellwithothers
girl: offmeds
girl: borkedfork
girl: feverishvag
girl: badvag
girl: cagedvag
girl: vaginacage
girl: vag in a cage
girl: cagedvulva
girl: straightjacketvulva
girl: tapeitshut
girl: omfgitbleeds
boy: genitalcandy
girl: genitalpop
girl: bringmeds
girl: donatelithium
girl: lithiumRus
girl: dentaljam
boy: iholdyourbreath
girl: bananasandblow
girl: junkievag
boy: nottheboozetalking
boy: theboozetalking
boy: talkingbooze
girl: nevermindthedrugs
girl: whitegloveheresy
girl: headpuke
boy: ragingtardon
girl: ragingtardation
girl: tardationnation
girl: nofoundation
girl: theassinclassy
boy: theassinclass
girl: hypotardon
boy: i can see this having 30 tweets an hour and then none for weeks

boy: hipolar
boy: highpolar
boy: crassballs
boy: imustbetrippin
girl: youmustbescriptin
girl: umustbescriptin
girl: hideyourscabsplease
girl: coverthatplease
girl: medicatethatnow
girl: burnitwithfire
girl: killitwithfire
girl: omfgstfukthxbye
boy: inspecthergadget
boy: OMGLOLkillyourself
girl: nocureonlyjelly
girl: omgloldietard
girl: OMGtardLOLdie
girl: nocureonlyham
girl: halfbakednutsack
boy: omgloldieretard
girl: omgloljustdie
girl: itshangingoutdouche
boy: shortbusgenius
girl: shortbusmensa
girl: mensatoast
girl: ltgovdouche
girl: ltgovdouchemd
girl: eatbullets
girl: tardbullets
girl: bulleteater
girl: bulleteaters
girl: bullet_eaters
boy: faketeats
girl: youregonnadieLOL
boy: LOLyouhaveaids
boy: tasteslikeshame
girl: tardsofafeather
girl: eatthehead
girl: aidsbus
girl: jesushasaids
girl: jesusherpes
girl: eatmyaids
girl: lickmytardbus
girl: windowlicker
girl: cortisonejesus
girl: lithiumjesus
girl: tardmessiah
boy: whatwouldjesuspoo
boy: WWJPoop
girl: WWJpoo
girl: cheesuspop
girl: untrainedtard
girl: retardus
boy: retardoricardo
boy: retroactivetard
boy: retroactiveretard
boy: contaminatedtard
boy: youarelemmings
boy: lemmingwhisperer
girl: mfinglemmings
girl: mindthebus
girl: infrontoftraffic
boy: runthoughtraffic
boy: enditnow
boy: tornadorally
girl: itsmyoxygen
girl: arsenictornado
girl: cyanidetornado
girl: fuandurmom
girl: fuandurdog
girl: wtgmedhead
boy: offyourmeds
boy: rxroulette

girl: rxroulette
girl: fucking hurrah.


*edited to appear twice as fucking manic.

Score: 1 : 1

Fire: I AM HUNGRY!!
Fire: i have not eaten.
Fire: i want to eat.
Gasoline: i just had a hot dog
Fire: you bastard.
Gasoline: but i guess i could come down there
Fire: no.
Fire: i will just die here.
Fire: thats fine.
Fire: fuck it.
Fire: i will just DIE.
Fire: don't mind me smelling up the joint.
Fire: probably why i am in danger of murdering someone.
Gasoline: not really selling me on lunch here
Fire: i gotta sell lunch?
Fire: jesus.
Fire: help.
Fire: me.
Fire: stay.
Fire: alive.
Fire: its.
Fire: cold.
Fire: and.
Fire: dark.
Gasoline: ok ok
Gasoline: i will come down but no murdering
Fire: don't tell me what to do.
Fire: your chances of survival are high though.
Gasoline: i'm not telling you what to do
Fire: i give you 86% survival rate
Gasoline: i'm telling you what not to do
Fire: you just said no murdering.
Fire: no murdering is a directive.
Fire: do not murder.
Gasoline: no it's a condition
Fire: if i was in the process of murdering
Fire: which i am in a constant state of JUST ABOUT
Fire: then, it is a directive
Fire: DONT GRAB THAT KNIFE!
Gasoline: no
Fire: DONT MURDER!
Gasoline: no
Fire: don't argue with me on this one.
Gasoline: a condition
Fire: a condition if i am at rest.
Fire: which, i am obviously, not.
Gasoline: if you want me to drive down then you cannot murder
Gasoline: if..then
Gasoline: see
Gasoline: the conditional
Fire: its a directive.
Gasoline: no.
Gasoline: a directive is x:=x+1
Gasoline: a conditional is if x=1 then fuck off
Gasoline: see the different format
Gasoline: if..then
Gasoline: your programming skills leave much to be desired
Fire: dammit jim, im a doctor!
Fire: don't tell me what not to do.
Fire: better?
Fire: now, come get me.
Fire: my legs just went numb.

theoretical color mixing fail

Gasoline: I have a problem with The Wrath of Khan
Fire: what problem
Gasoline: two of them really
Gasoline: first up
Gasoline: there's the cheesy coincidence of names
Gasoline: Khan Noonien Singh is his full name
Gasoline: Dr Noonien Soong
Gasoline: is the creator of Data
Gasoline: Singh and Soong are pronounced the same
Gasoline: a little lazy there on the names
Gasoline: but the big problem i have
Gasoline: is that Kirk's son is white
Gasoline: after all the green bitches kirk fucked
Gasoline: why is his son white
Fire: overpowering genes.
Fire: and his mother is white.
Fire: not green.
Gasoline: bull shit
Gasoline: once you go green you aint going back to no plain vanilla bitch
Fire: but his mom is white.
Fire: are you missing this key fact?
Fire: doesn't matter if you dont go back or not.
Fire: if his sperm and her egg created him, he is white.
Fire: not, pale yellow.
Fire: or lime.
Gasoline: but im saying kirk wouldn't have fucked that bitch
Gasoline: that cant be
Gasoline: he would have knocked up a green or purple bitch with 4 tits and 2 pussies
Gasoline: i mean really
Gasoline: if you could fuck a purple dude with two well placed cocks that pushed your buttons perfectly would you ever go human again
Fire: BUT HE DIDNT
Fire: HE FUCKED A SKANKY WHITE SCIENTIST BITCH WHO ONLY HAD TWO TITS AND ONE PUSSY
Fire: MOVE ON

mothman is coming for me

me: did you just send me a voicemail to my computer?
martin: no
martin: how does one do that?
me: it says you sent me a voicemail from google talk.
me: that's 599 seconds long.
martin: did you listen to it?
me: no
martin: does it have a time-stamp?
me: i sent it back to you.
martin: i saw that.

martin: THAT IS SO WEIRD
martin: HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?
me: did you listen? what did it say?
martin: nothing, weird noises, it's like a butt dial
martin: BUT WITH THE COMPUTER
me: that's fucked up martin.
martin: did you listen to it?
me: no, i will now though.
me: hold on.

me: what
me: is that Spanish in the beginning?
martin: I cant make out what it says.
me: Mothman.
me: its Mothman.
me: this is ten minutes of WTF
me: cause its like blips of something.
martin: yes, it's like when they receive radio transmissions from outer space.
martin: like in "Contact"
martin: OR WHEN THEY RECORD GHOSTS
me: is that even your voice
me: ?
martin: no.
me: i am totally gonna die now.
me: omg.
me: seriously.
me: they have contacted me, now, i am dead soon.
me: I AM FUCKED.
me: I'm gonna cry

AUDIO FILE FROM MOTHMAN TO ME

I am in good company.

Captain: When is Easter?
Captain: Is it this month?
Tennille: 24th.
Tennille: Don't you celebrate Jesus in some fashion?
Captain: Nope.
Captain: Never.
Tennille: Me either.
Tennille: But I like eggs and bunnies.
Captain: Well, we give Christmas gifts
Captain: but that for gifts, not Jesus.
Tennille: Jesus doesn't want your gifts any way.
Tennille: Today someone I know said Jesus was thinking about me when he was on the cross dying for my sins
Tennille: and I thought
Tennille: I don't think so
Tennille: probably he was thinking "this hurts"
Tennille: I didn't say that though.
Captain: or "This is going to be the best Punk'd, EVER!"
Captain: or "Maybe flipping that table was too much?"
Captain: or "I should have taken advantages of those 'benefits' Mary M. mentioned."
Tennille: "I should have gone on vacation, dang."
Captain: "Did I leave my iron on?"
Captain: "Great. Now I have to pee."
Tennille: "Don't they have thorn less varieties here, geez."
Captain: "I should have accessorized more."
Tennille: "I am not going to get back home in time to let the dog out, DAMN IT."
Captain: "CELEBRATE! I said CeLebRate!"
Tennille: "Great. Now my back itches."
Captain: "That guard is hot. Would it be weird if I... aw, what the hell."
Tennille: "I am never going to get these stains out."

acknowledge puppets and AIDS

Bonnie: if i die will you make sure someone hires a puppeteer for my wake or funeral or whatever.
Bonnie: whatever one does once i am dead.
Clyde: i wont be able to get out of bed.
Bonnie: you had better.
Bonnie: i am putting you in charge of PUPPETS.
Bonnie: you had better get the fuck out of bed and get my puppeteer there.
Clyde: like Being John Malkovich?
Bonnie: i dont care if you employ 4th graders with socks on their hands. just make sure someone is there with puppets, reenacting how i died and maybe a few parts of my life or something.
Bonnie: Do we have an understanding?
Clyde: like the gang bang in high school.
Bonnie: thats cool.
Bonnie: i was not gang banged in high school but take creative liberties, please.
Bonnie: have me finding some treasure or something too.
Bonnie: also, tell everyone i had AIDS no matter how i died.
Bonnie: just end everything with, "well you know she had AIDS".
Clyde: do you know what the russian acronym for AIDS is?
Bonnie: no.
Clyde: SPID.
Clyde: pronounced SPEED.
Bonnie: nice.
Clyde: they dont fuck around.
Bonnie: you have not acknowledged puppets and AIDS.
Bonnie: acknowledge puppets and AIDS.
Bonnie: or there is no reason for our continued verbal banter today.
Bonnie: acknowledge puppets and AIDS!!
Bonnie: NOW!!
Bonnie: ACKNOWLEDGE!!
Clyde: Puppets and AIDS.
Bonnie: thank you.
Clyde: do the puppets have AIDS?
Bonnie: they could.
Bonnie: tell them i have had it since birth.
Clyde: now you are just being fucking vain.
Clyde: you cant hide the fact that you were born before AIDS.
Bonnie: stfu.
Clyde: that's just wrong.
Bonnie: so.
Clyde: it would ruin the artistic integrity of the puppet show to imply you were somehow born after '83.
Bonnie: i am dead. what do you people care. i want a goddamn puppet show about my whole life with AIDS + how i died tragically not of AIDS.
Bonnie: i do not think this is a lot to ask.
Bonnie: also, maybe we should finally tell people i am kenyan.

work on, wayne. work on, garth.

Garth: i hate ponies. who likes ponies? ugh.
Wayne: fuck ponies
Garth: exactly.
Wayne: although they do become horses, so, they have that going for em
Garth: i don't even like horses really, although i suppose they could do more for me than a tiger.
Garth: when it all goes to hell.
Garth: i cant ride a tiger.
Garth: tigers ain't pulling no carts.
Wayne: get your riding skills up mon post-apocalyptic amie
Garth: i didn't even LIKE TIGERS any ways
Garth: selfish fucking animals
Garth: no helping out and shit
Garth: i got shit to carry, where are the tigers?
Garth: laying about in the sun, that's where
Wayne: eatin' raw red meat
Garth: exactly.
Garth: meat I COULD eat
Wayne: damn that sounds like fun
Garth: horses don't eat meat, they like apples and shit
Wayne: I need a big bowl of raw red meat right now
Wayne: and a war to watch
Wayne: I'm straight
Garth: we are not competing, horses and me
Wayne: good point
Garth: fuck yea. blood + blood.
Garth: that's good shit.
Wayne: exactly
Wayne: like real blood + real blood
Garth: sound on mute, we can blare some like, metal or something.
Wayne: ministry
Garth: stab the couch with our forks a lot
Wayne: prefect soundtrack
Garth: STAB STAB munch munch munch
Wayne: make a big fucking fire in the living room
Garth: OUT OF the wood floor planks
Wayne: war paint is a must
Garth: cause, we are fucking tough like that
Wayne: AND THE coffee table
Garth: just, chop it up
Wayne: fuck coffee tables
Garth: throw the books on
Garth: get it going bigger
Wayne: hell yeah don't need em anymore
Garth: turn the stereo to 11
Wayne: FUCK YEAH
Garth: WE WILL EAT THE MEAT!!
Garth: WE WILL BURN THE TABLES AND FLOOR!!
Wayne: and piss blood on the electronics
Garth: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!
Garth: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Garth: i cant piss straight like you though
Wayne: ravenous twirlings of raw red carnage and bodily fluids
Garth: i will use a cup, then throw it on the electronics
Garth: YEAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wayne: fuck it you think there's a judging panel for this shit?
Garth: well, i don't want to pee on the couch.
Garth: then, where will i sit to eat?
Garth: fucking savage.
Wayne: I plan on sitting on people I fucking hate
Garth: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
Garth: !!!!!!!!
Garth: WE HATE!!!!!!!
Wayne: carve an ass groove in their fuggin' forehead
Garth: ASS GROOOVE!!!!!!!!!! YEAAAA!!!!

Garth: ok. back to work.
Wayne: yep

sometimes you just get sucked into the tornado unwillingly.

martin: are you there?
me: like, here?
me: or, there?
me: there, being, there.
me: cause. i am here.
me: right here.
me: hey. pst. hey.
me: hey hey.
me: martin.
me: hey.
martin: yes
me: you there?
me: http://i.imgur.com/0OmVe.jpg


me: hey. pst.
me: http://i.imgur.com/Ydb1h.jpg


me: hey
me: you there?
me: psst.
martin: yeeees
me: http://i.imgur.com/8p01s.jpg


me: hey.
me: (hosted on private website)


martin: when did you graduate?
me: 93
martin: I graduated in 97
me: i am your elder.
me: sh.
me: listen to my sage advice.
martin: what's your advice for me today?
me: didnt you hear it?
martin: no
me: oh.
me: sorry.
martin: WHATS MY ADVICE?
me: you didnt hear it?
martin: no
me: OH.
me: SORRY.

[martin has logged off.]

sage advice email sent:

peanut butter derails what is already derailed

LL: i have guns.
RDWL: I'm very happy for ya.
LL: no you aren't.
LL: you aren't happy for me at all.
LL: and that's where we are at.
LL: i have the guns.
LL: and you are pissed.
LL: cause you only have knives.
LL: so you cant go to the gun fight.
RDWL: /ignore
LL: /stab
LL: /shrugs
RDWL: /smacks gum
LL: /twirls hair around finger
LL: /throws a shoe
RDWL: /absentmindedly ducks, smacks gum
LL: /throws duck
RDWL: /keeps duck as pet, doesn't share
LL: /throws hungry rabid wolf
RDWL: /befriends wolf, cures rabies, covers nuts with peanut butter
LL: /pays for special delivery of peanut butter loving dog with genetically modified large satin textured tongue
LL: you'd fuck a dog for less money than it would cost to feed one of those fly buzzed descended belly children in Africa. sick. buy a cup of coffee, for fucks sake.

schematics

12:00 PM
Ol' Skrawberry: Greetins Sprankles!
Sprankles: greetins!
Ol' Skrawberry: What are your orders?
Sprankles: to kill without prejudice.
Ol' Skrawberry: Can do.
Sprankles: i will need some supplies.
Ol' Skrawberry: K. Send me a list.
Sprankles: carrier pigeon?
Ol' Skrawberry: Damn straight.
Ol' Skrawberry: We're gonna have to make some radical changes.
Sprankles: radical ones? like with tie dye and frizzy hair?
Sprankles: i will prepare the parachute pants.
Ol' Skrawberry: As many zippers as possible.
Sprankles: check. check one. check two. check check.
Ol' Skrawberry: Is this thing on?
Sprankles: fucking engineers.
Sprankles: its like you can give them the schematics 400 times and they still plug into the microwave.
Sprankles: you are going to need to hire some better assistants.
Sprankles: shall we construct a craigslist ad?
Ol' Skrawberry: Marketing is more your forte than mine, and yes. Definitely.
Sprankles: i am on it, boss.
Ol' Skrawberry: Good. I am getting out my Texas shaped belt buckle as we speak.

12:21 PM
Sprankles: Copy: Texas Tycoon requires schematics to be read for proper insertion of microphone equipment. Schematics written in Mandarin.
Requirements: Four years relevant experience, ability to make varied lists with graphs, knowledge of proper peanut butter to jelly ratio, large belt buckle.
Reply with justification of further project involvement and list of readily available items to fit category: radical, immediately.
Payment negotiable.
Ol' Skrawberry: add "Serious inquiries only. Celery comensurate with experience."
Sprankles: posted.
Sprankles: http://orlando.craigslist.org/lbg/2196957456.html
Sprankles: t-minus 3 minutes to ban, sir.

don't poke the dinosaur

Head: Labrodaur.
Tail: dog dinosaur.
Tail: incisors the size of my dick.
Tail: if i had a dick.
Head: Labrodaurus Rex.
Tail: that shit would be huge. like, at least 10 (soft).
Head: Sweet... the size of a baby's arm. You know how I like eeeet!
Tail: hell yea, straight in the eye socket, last i checked.
Tail: poke. poke. poke.
Tail: i am knocking on your skull door.
Tail: let me in.
Head: Not before wrecking mah pink puckered star fruit with that ginormous throbbing member.... I want it to be the dirty sanchez of skull fucks.
Tail: i would require lube any way.
Tail: good call.
Tail: gold star.
Head: TY.
Tail: YW.

mmhyeah (no)

Chloride: You know that song "Shine" where the dude keeps saying "mmhyeaah" after the guitar part?
Sodium: i know what you are talking about.
Chloride: It's like (guitar) "bahnanananananananana!" then he goes "mmhyeaah!" then (guitar) "buanananananananaan" then he goes "mmhyeaah"
Chloride: like 4 times... then some more song... then he does it some more.
Chloride: know which one I am talking about.
Sodium: yes.
Sodium: i know.
Chloride: Well, what's he talking about?
Chloride: Does he like the guitar part?
Sodium: mmmhyeah.
Chloride: So when the guitarist is all like, "bahnananananananana!" he feels compelled to voice his approval?
Chloride: Cause it has nothing to do with the rest of the song.
Sodium: wtf the fuck of it. if you eat good pie you make noises of approval.
Sodium: technically, the noise of approval DOES have something to do with the song, just like the noise has something to do with the pie.
Chloride: But then at the end he appears to lose interest. Cause the last 4 times the guitarist does it at the end of the song he wont go mmhyeah anymore.
Sodium: the initial approval wore off and he began to contemplate his actual feelings concerning. obviously in this case, he had a change of heart. it happens.
Chloride: Maybe that''s why the song ends... cause the guitarist could tell he wasn't being appreciated by the lead singer anymore.
Sodium: i bet they broke up after that.
Chloride: No. They went around making this statement on tour...
Chloride: Approval of the guitar riff through several measures followed by obvious disapproval at the end.
Sodium: maybe after playing it so much on tour, the guitarist developed a complex, all the back and forth, must have been maddening.
Sodium: then they broke up.
Chloride: He sure must've liked to go "bahnanananananana" a great deal. I bet he still does it when nobody's looking.
Sodium: jerk.
Sodium: i bet it pisses people off.

Sodium: this story is sad.
Sodium: fuck you.

strumpet.

Bruised Fruit: Word for the day - Strumpet
Sad Tomato: i dont like your word today.
Sad Tomato: i am not using it.
Bruised Fruit: STRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUMPET!
Bruised Fruit: STRUMPET!
Sad Tomato: not so sure.
Bruised Fruit: I think you've come to the wrong astrumption here.
Sad Tomato: you have strumpthing on your shirt.
Bruised Fruit: Construmption strumption... what's your function?
Sad Tomato: suck ing off dicks and spread ing her pes
Bruised Fruit: Constumption strumption... what's your function?!?!?
Sad Tomato: i got three favorite holes that get most of the jobs done
Bruised Fruit: Work ing for pimps in fish net stockings!
Sad Tomato: mine was not good enough?
Bruised Fruit: It was.
Bruised Fruit: I was adding lyrics.
Bruised Fruit: But yours should be shortened to keep the struc ture to
Bruised Fruit: I got three holes that get the JOB done.
Bruised Fruit: Emphasis on job.
Sad Tomato: no.
Sad Tomato: not for the second verse, which i assumed you fucked up, cause its HOW'S that function.
Bruised Fruit: Ah yes. Agreed.
Bruised Fruit: STRUMPET! Away with ye!
Sad Tomato: you'll need a coathanger for that.

non essential: celebrity candles and underwear

Ol' Skrawberry: What's a candle party?

Sprankles: a party. with candles.
Sprankles: women sit around. light candles. the candles are all from some specific place.
Sprankles: they are better than all the other candles ever made apparently.
Sprankles: you learn to properly light a candle.
Sprankles: how to properly extinguish.
Sprankles: how long to light the candle for.
Sprankles: you smell candles.
Sprankles: you play games to win small candles as gifts.
Sprankles: then, you look at candles all set up around the room.
Sprankles: you view a candle catalog.
Sprankles: you order candles.
Sprankles: your host then makes money off your orders to order herself more candles on top of the candles she purchases.
Sprankles: its a mother fucking vagina EVENT
Sprankles: i go for the liquor.
Sprankles: well.
Sprankles: i went for the liquor.
Sprankles: to pass the time in alaska drinking in my own house, i went to the occasional candle party to pass the time drinking in someone elses house.
Sprankles: but, this was the requirement. candles.
Sprankles: i sniffed them. i looked. i ordered.
Sprankles: but mostly, i drank.
Sprankles: i just thought, that somehow i had entered and left that level of purgatory.
Sprankles: apparently, no.
Sprankles: i have been recently invited to a candle party.
Sprankles: i fear the guilt of not answering the invite, its a peer pressure thing among vaginas and they are fucking MEAN about that shit.
Sprankles: "well, I went to your ________ party last month, hmph."
Sprankles: _________ = Tupperware (yes, they still have those), or jewelry, or cooking utensil/dishes, or knick knack paddy wack party
Sprankles: for me the __________
Sprankles: is a wig party, or a spy party, or a wear a red shirt party
Sprankles: apparently this counts in the guilting portion of the program though.
Sprankles: i find it is a reason for a gaggle of women to flock together briefly and quack loudly
Sprankles: and drink liquor, as their continued existence was not a good enough reason
Sprankles: i just don't want to go and sniff fucking candles. i have sinus issues.
Sprankles: i always want to sneeze and the wine, is usually fucking white.
Sprankles: its like some new wave of vaginas has discovered you can get free things from hosting these parties
Sprankles: when they could go to the store and buy 5 times the amount of candles
Sprankles: but those are not X candles
Sprankles: which are the best candles
Sprankles: known by all women as the best candles
Sprankles: last month, during a haze of wine
Sprankles: i agreed to go to a jewelry party.
Sprankles: it was bad.
Sprankles: really, fucking bad.

Ol'Skrawberry: ...another pleasant valley sunday.... here in status candle land...

Sprankles: i think, i think i am being tortured.
Sprankles: my next door neighbor in alaska
Sprankles: her entire house was filled with shit she bought at parties like these
Sprankles: and she had fucking crazy candles, i have never seen so many fucking candles
Sprankles: and gold
Sprankles: there was a lot of gold shit in her house, embellished
Sprankles: it looked like her house should have been a castle or museum, but it was a house

Ol'Skrawberry: get you some of that shit.

Sprankles: her name was chi chi

Ol'Skrawberry: fill the place with that stuff.

Sprankles: she was a big black woman, with awesomely long straight relaxed hair, and i used to go over to her house in the morning to see what new shit she had not bought and drink my coffee and watch her iron her husbands underwear and her kids sheets.
Sprankles: i do not understand why underwear required ironing.
Sprankles: in any scenario
Sprankles: for years i tried to come up with a scenario where underwear required ironing
Sprankles: never.
Sprankles: and he had tons.
Sprankles: i have never known someone to have so many pairs of underwear.
Sprankles: what is the purpose of that many pairs of underwear?
Sprankles: even if there is a shortage, you can just not wear underwear.
Sprankles: its a non essential item
Sprankles: in the clothing arsenal.