double dutch anyone?

What the fuck are you people running for?
There is no need to run unless you are escaping killers or tigers, or there is a fire you need to get away from (and then you only need to run far enough to get away from the fire, which is usually not that far, it qualifies more as sprinting and if you are on fire, please, never run).
Are you all training in the event you have to run? In this case, it wont matter to people like me who will just trip you so the tiger stops chasing us both (or killer, me nodding back like "We are cool right, you got her to mangle up and what not, no need to kill me too" and then I can walk away, again, no need to run here it will instill more confidence that you have the killers back if you act nonchalant).
Marathons: you aren't really running to travel (suddenly a massive amount of people in tiny shorts are going to vacation somewhere on the coast), a finish line counts for nil when there is no prize. Who cares if you are first if a cheetah can still kill you.
I might be able to see running for some pie, if the pie was at the grocery store and you needed to have that shit right the fuck now but only crazy people and pregnant people require pie that quickly and crazy people belong in nuthouses and preggers ladies should have some sort of pie retrieval person for them as this is an absolute safety issue.
Running, the baby could fall out of their uterus onto the floor and we cant have a bunch of cracked infant skulls mushy brains everywhere, plus, gross, who wants to see babies dropping out like that. Ms. Preggers in the midst of Pie Withdrawal isn't paying attention, drags the baby by the umbilical cord all over the floor and it being sticky, collects grit and dust and small bits of garbage to it GROSS. Plus, what happens if there is a dog around who grabs it and suddenly she is playing tug of war with a mean old dog but its not working out so well because her grip on the slimy infant sucks, dog wins, total bummer. Probably it would also be dangerous like when you get a snag in your kitted sweater and it starts to unravel CAN YOU IMAGINE?!
Umbilical cord elasticity.
*SNAP* back : Whip Whip Whip.

NO apologies.
None.