Thank you very much for email blasting me useless offers for brand new cars at enormously discounted rates. Actually, there is not a day that goes by that I do not pray for a lightning strike, a flood, a meteor from the sky to wipe my VW Bug off the planet. I hate it more than roaches, Satan, alligators, sharks, cancer, AIDS, tacks and my elementary school bully all rolled into one. Yup. I have never hated anything more.
So no. No I would not like to take advantage of the fabulous limited time offers counteracted by your inflated prices for sub par plastic cars that fall apart at the seams before they accumulate 60,000 miles.
I hope to buy a bike and start riding that to work because to watch this vehicle disintegrate (which I can only assume will happen considering its rate of deterioration thus far) in my driveway, without another single mile being put on it, THAT, sir, would please me more than the newest new car you could ever hope to sell me.
Best Regards,
The Wood Rabbit
5.06.2010
Seventeen things I could do with chopsticks, if I had some chopsticks.
1. Put my hair up.
2. Eat some food.
3. Defend myself from rapists and murderers.
4. Play a reasonably volumed drum solo in the library.
5. Start a tiny fire.
6. Construct a sling shot in order to slay giants.
7. Teach monkeys 2-6, write a paper, become published in a Scientific Journal.
8. Set the tip on fire, blow it out, use the char to write a letter to my Congressman.
9. Poke you. (Not hard; for giggles).
10. Fly some tiny pirate flag on some tiny pirate ship.
11. Very short game of pick up sticks.
12. Push elevator buttons, ring doorbells, and operate ATMS all the while ensuring I do not catch diseases from contact with surfaces other herpetitus-canceraidacious-hepalupus-streplacockus infected individuals touch.
13. Write messages in the sand.
14. Scratch an itch (just not your itch, sorry).
15. Pop some bitches bike tire.
16. Pop some punks balloon.
17. Pop some other shit that needs popping, including "Popping Off", just with more flair (WHOOOOOO!!).
Give it up for Sexual Chocolate, ladies and gentlemen, Sexual Chocolate.
2. Eat some food.
3. Defend myself from rapists and murderers.
4. Play a reasonably volumed drum solo in the library.
5. Start a tiny fire.
6. Construct a sling shot in order to slay giants.
7. Teach monkeys 2-6, write a paper, become published in a Scientific Journal.
8. Set the tip on fire, blow it out, use the char to write a letter to my Congressman.
9. Poke you. (Not hard; for giggles).
10. Fly some tiny pirate flag on some tiny pirate ship.
11. Very short game of pick up sticks.
12. Push elevator buttons, ring doorbells, and operate ATMS all the while ensuring I do not catch diseases from contact with surfaces other herpetitus-canceraidacious-hepalupus-streplacockus infected individuals touch.
13. Write messages in the sand.
14. Scratch an itch (just not your itch, sorry).
15. Pop some bitches bike tire.
16. Pop some punks balloon.
17. Pop some other shit that needs popping, including "Popping Off", just with more flair (WHOOOOOO!!).
Give it up for Sexual Chocolate, ladies and gentlemen, Sexual Chocolate.
5.05.2010
France: no longer pro-war.
Two things that do not go together.
May 4th - FUCK MEXICANS IN ARIZONA FUCK THEM IN TEXAS AND EVERYWHERE ELSE, FUCK THEM IN THE EAR, FUCK THEM IN THE OTHER EAR!!!
May 5th - Happy Cinco De Mayo - Let's Drink and Celebrate!!!
I'm sorry.
What are we celebrating again?
Thats right. Half price drinks.
I cannot imagine living in Arizona, being of Mexican origin, or even Spanish, Dominican, Latin, or any number of ethnicities that fall into the category you kinda look Mexican. You are a resident - legally - Born and Raised American (YAHOO!) and because of some law thought up by a bunch of people who most likely do not look remotely Mexican, the possibility exists you are either repeatedly stopped to prove Amerikan Authenticity or worried about being stopped (stress is a leading killer of people in the United States) which is a nuisance and waste of public funds.
"You look Mexican", employed by the same types of cops who uttered to my friends "You looked like the suspects".
Suspects: Four African American males in a Black Jeep Cherokee. My Friends: Three Caucasian males in a Gray Ford Mustang.
Remember kiddies, it is always good to ASK questions. We have rights.
Seriously though, I would never leave the house. Even strangers telling me I just left my gas cap off, or commenting to me in public about the beauty of my new shoes, send me into mild heart palpitations. Arizona would kill me within 6 months. Dead.
You can't do this. Not this way. It is wrong and it is rude.
National. Everyone must be involved, anything that only includes a segment of the population should be seen as suspect by the whole, who should be protecting the rights of all. If we can't all be profiled (because, there are more than just illegal Mexicans within our borders, there are at least ten other countries out there 'don'tcha know', some I hear can be seen right from Alaska (!) then we all need to register somewhere central. ALL of us.
ALL ALL ALL.
Wait. What are we celebrating again?
A war that was won against the French?
We celebrate this as Mexican heritage and pride Day but why wouldn't we do this on their Independence Day. In September.
So lazy, we are so lazy. It's because it had a catchy name, that has to be it.
I think Mexico, and every other nation for that matter, should celebrate our heritage and culture on February 10th, which was the day the Treaty of Paris was signed which officially ended the French and Indian War. Seems fitting, actually.
Yea.
Happy Cinco de Mayo and also Happy February 10th, like just sort of belated.
No carp were harmed during the creation of this Blog post. Some carp were offended and got their panties in a bunch to which I say, "You should have bought a thong and saved me the trouble; that’s what you get; now have a margarita and shut the fuck up."
May 4th - FUCK MEXICANS IN ARIZONA FUCK THEM IN TEXAS AND EVERYWHERE ELSE, FUCK THEM IN THE EAR, FUCK THEM IN THE OTHER EAR!!!
May 5th - Happy Cinco De Mayo - Let's Drink and Celebrate!!!
I'm sorry.
What are we celebrating again?
Thats right. Half price drinks.
I cannot imagine living in Arizona, being of Mexican origin, or even Spanish, Dominican, Latin, or any number of ethnicities that fall into the category you kinda look Mexican. You are a resident - legally - Born and Raised American (YAHOO!) and because of some law thought up by a bunch of people who most likely do not look remotely Mexican, the possibility exists you are either repeatedly stopped to prove Amerikan Authenticity or worried about being stopped (stress is a leading killer of people in the United States) which is a nuisance and waste of public funds.
"You look Mexican", employed by the same types of cops who uttered to my friends "You looked like the suspects".
Suspects: Four African American males in a Black Jeep Cherokee. My Friends: Three Caucasian males in a Gray Ford Mustang.
Remember kiddies, it is always good to ASK questions. We have rights.
Seriously though, I would never leave the house. Even strangers telling me I just left my gas cap off, or commenting to me in public about the beauty of my new shoes, send me into mild heart palpitations. Arizona would kill me within 6 months. Dead.
You can't do this. Not this way. It is wrong and it is rude.
National. Everyone must be involved, anything that only includes a segment of the population should be seen as suspect by the whole, who should be protecting the rights of all. If we can't all be profiled (because, there are more than just illegal Mexicans within our borders, there are at least ten other countries out there 'don'tcha know', some I hear can be seen right from Alaska (!) then we all need to register somewhere central. ALL of us.
ALL ALL ALL.
Wait. What are we celebrating again?
A war that was won against the French?
We celebrate this as Mexican heritage and pride Day but why wouldn't we do this on their Independence Day. In September.
So lazy, we are so lazy. It's because it had a catchy name, that has to be it.
I think Mexico, and every other nation for that matter, should celebrate our heritage and culture on February 10th, which was the day the Treaty of Paris was signed which officially ended the French and Indian War. Seems fitting, actually.
Yea.
Happy Cinco de Mayo and also Happy February 10th, like just sort of belated.
No carp were harmed during the creation of this Blog post. Some carp were offended and got their panties in a bunch to which I say, "You should have bought a thong and saved me the trouble; that’s what you get; now have a margarita and shut the fuck up."
5.04.2010
Completely unrelated, non-life changing, self indulgent NEWS that is neither eco-friendly or worth more than two pence.
I have realized (no I haven't) there is not a moment that goes by that I am not totally bloody confused. Everything about people confuses me. Everything about life confuses me. Everything about interacting confuses me. Conversation confuses me. Disagreement confuses me. Disclosure confuses me. Intimacy confuses me. Silence confuses me. Overly sugary icing confuses me.
When they installed the update for me version 8.3 (or whatever expansion pack I am on now) it had to have been done during a lightning storm.
“Pardon, the power went out, but I swear that it said 96% loaded before the shut down, so we should be mostly good, right? Surely that's enough to run this skirt, proper."
Ooooooooh nooooooo.
I am missing a few .dll files and am trying to connect to the online resource for help using a dial-up modem at 6pm.
Shit. SHITE!
When they installed the update for me version 8.3 (or whatever expansion pack I am on now) it had to have been done during a lightning storm.
“Pardon, the power went out, but I swear that it said 96% loaded before the shut down, so we should be mostly good, right? Surely that's enough to run this skirt, proper."
Ooooooooh nooooooo.
I am missing a few .dll files and am trying to connect to the online resource for help using a dial-up modem at 6pm.
Shit. SHITE!
...on her sister's new haircut
Kid A: You are so adorable, I just want to punch you in the face every time I look at you! That hair cut is so freaking amazing. It's like you are the cutest human alive and so I have to balance things out. Totally adorable hair but sorry, you are going to have to deal with a new black eye.
:)
:)
5.01.2010
Zack
Give me two Popsicle sticks and a rubberband and I'll fuck it like
some filthy MacGuyver. Zack - Zack and Miri Make A Porno
some filthy MacGuyver. Zack - Zack and Miri Make A Porno
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